Olá, caminhantes

Hoje o papo é sobre corpo.

Você reconhece os sintomas porque já se sentiu assim: você se olha no espelho e não gosta do que vê. Acha-se feia(o) porque é gorda(o), alta(o), magra(o), baixa(o), tem nariz adunco, tem nariz pequeno, tem rosto bolachudo, tem rosto encovado, tem cabelo cheio, tem cabelo ralo, tem coxa grossa, coxa fina, etc etc etc.

Fico desanimada toda vez que vejo, aos trinta ou quarenta anos, alguém insatisfeito consigo mesmo. Não com a pessoa, porque baixa autoestima todos nós, em algum momento, temos. Fico realmente desanimada porque vejo muitas tentando ser felizes com o corpo que tem e acabam deparando-se com o mundo. Ah, esse mundo e seus eternos comentários pestilentos sobre como o nosso corpo deveria ser.

É sério, já deu. Eu poderia voltar lá nas aulas de psicologia ou procurar meus textos para escrever alguma coisa realmente inteligente e profunda, mas sério, tem horas que a gente precisa conversar em um nível mais concreto e simplificado. Fiquei sabendo recentemente sobre duas pessoas (presentes no meu cotidiano) que estavam lutando contra o olhar controlador do outro. Calhou de na mesma época estar fazendo uma pesquisa sobre como narramos nosso corpo e nossos problemas, e acabei unindo as duas coisas. Mas o lance é que essas mulheres bonitas, inteligentes, espirituosas e vibrantes tinham a autoestima machucada pelo Olhar do Outro. Outros importantes demais. Outros que passaram brevemente pela vida delas. Outros que se dizem amigos. Pessoas que deveriam ser incentivadores dessas mulheres, que deveriam ter um olhar complacente e afetuoso sobre elas, mas deixaram como resquício de sua falta de sensibilidade e respeito ao próximo a marca da não aceitação e da crítica.

E é isso que me enfeza, atualmente. Leia com atenção essa frase, deixando cada palavra rolar na língua enquanto ela ganha sentido na cabeça:

Crítica-sobre-o-corpo-de-outra-pessoa.

Veja bem a bizarrice disso:

OUTRA PESSOA.

Outra-pessoa.

Essas pessoas próximas olharam para o outro corpo presente no cômodo e o criticaram. Pelo quê? Que ganhos alguém pode ter em colocar o outro para baixo (a pergunta é retórica: sei dos ganhos). O fato é que essas mulheres foram criticadas por não caberem dentro de uma “forma”. Por serem divergentes do que a mídia mostra. Por estarem próximas.

As pessoas às vezes criticam apenas porque acham que precisam se posicionar a todo tempo sobre qualquer coisa.

Gente, saiu fumaça da minha cabeça quando soube dessas histórias. Tenho, eu mesma, alguns exemplos de como o Outro pode, pela proximidade e abertura, causar estragos. Inevitável não lembrar das dicas de emagrecimento que minha própria mãe me dava quando eu tinha quinze anos. Na época eu era gordinha, roliça, cheia de hormônios e ávida por aceitação. Ganhei remedinhos para controlar a fome. Nem sei se minha mãe percebeu (nem na época, nem hoje) o que estava fazendo, ou o significado de tudo isso. Mas ela achava que gordinha eu não arrumaria namorado. Ou talvez achasse que gordinhas eram feinhas, e não apresentáveis (preciso, em sua defesa, dizer que ela mudou muito. Tudo que o mundo evoluiu nas últimas três décadas reverberou fundo nela) Mas foi isso que aconteceu quando eu estava formando minhas opiniões e autoconceitos. E tomei o remédio, se quer saber, e realmente emagreci. Na mesma época, uma modelo famosa tomou os mesmos remédios que eu e morreu. O assunto dos remedinhos morreu com a modelo e nunca mais falamos do assunto.

Não carrego da experiência grandes traumas, acho que tenho até uma auto-estima bem boa. Mas foi preciso muita terapia, reflexão, leituras e escrita afirmativa para chegar onde estou. Essa amiga minha, que me mandou hoje um print de sua agenda de adolescente, está no meio da ruptura. Ela e esse olhar se divorciaram. Não teve litígio, mas não foi de comum acordo. Ela só entendeu o que entendi, e que muitas de nós ainda vão entender: que o seu corpo não está aberto à críticas.

Não está, fim de papo.

Esse é o primeiro passo para se libertar da verdadeira prisão: a interna. Essa sim, uma batalha difícil.

No entanto, batalhas se vencem com palavras. Palavras como essa que escrevo aqui. Palavras como a que você escreve no seu dia a dia. Lendo um pouco sobre as narrativas que contamos (e que outros contam) sobre o nosso corpo, é tão claro ver como as palavras  que usamos e ouvimos crescem em nós, como rugas ou pintas. E entre esses relatos e minhas pesquisas, uma frase ficou marcada: “o corpo é o nosso inconsciente visível.”

O nosso inconsciente está em nosso corpo. Aquilo que guardamos em nós conversam conosco em forma de sintomas. O mal estar na altura da barriga; a gastrite de fundo nervoso; as dores que se acumulam e mudam de lugar.

O corpo é o nosso texto mais concreto.  A gente tá narrando esse texto em cima de uma folha rabiscada pelas opiniões dos outros. Não tá sabendo narrar esse texto em uma folha limpa, onde só suas palavras estão visíveis. Esse texto tá saindo truncado, cheio de interferências, e repete sempre os mesmos bordões. Exatamente da forma como disseram pra gente contar essa história.

Permitir-se uma nova via de se olhar — permitir-se sair um pouco de um mundo que tenta te enquadrar — e entrar em um mundo seu, único, rico de sensações, de experiências, de contatos prazeirosos proporcionados por braços, barrigas, pernas, rostos, lábios — ajudará a moldar essa nova narrativa.

Batalhas se vencem com palavras. Elas são as verdadeiras armas desse novo mundo que tá batendo à porta. Já dizia Margareth Atwood que “palavra após palavra após palavra é poder”.

Espero que estejam escrevendo, e colocando suas ideias preciosas no papel. Mais do que linhas: vocês estão escrevendo sua nova história.

 

Um grande abraço

 

Karina

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